I'm moving my SEND son to private school in Spain – the UK system is broken

After battling fiercely and incurring significant costs through a legal dispute to obtain one-on-one support for their son, Paul Kelly, a 47-year-old data manager from Epsom, and his family have chosen to look for improved alternatives overseas.

My son Sebastian, 11 years old, isautistic, has dyslexia, ADHD, and sensory processing challenges, making noisy environments and chaotic settings overwhelming for him. Seb's requirement for additional assistance has been evident since childhood. He was identified by a pediatrician during nursery at the age of three. His development was delayed; he didn't begin speaking or communicating clearly until he was three and a half years old.

He requires access to individualized support in order to leave the classroom when he is having difficulty. Unfortunately, this has not always been feasible. When he first started at primary schoolschool, a mainstream state schoolHe did not receive any individualized assistance. Although the school made attempts to help him, with just one teacher and one assistant for 35 students in the class, it was challenging for him to obtain the support he required, leading to significant anxiety.

The situation became so severe that he spent most of his time pretending to be ill or pleading with us not to send him. We received a formal warning from the school, indicating that we would be reported to Child Services if the absences kept happening. When he did attend, he would conceal himself from other kids during recess.

Without support and in large classes, it became a complete disaster. It was extremely upsetting to watch my child struggle so much with school, which was supposed to be a positive place for learning.

The Special Educational Needs Coordinator (SENCO) at the school – who worked part-time and had a very large number of students to manage – arranged for an educational psychologist to confirm the paediatrician's diagnosis. When applying for his Education, Health and Care Plan (ECHP), a legal document detailing the required support, the psychologist noted that although he did not qualify for a specialized setting, he struggled to keep up in a regular classroom without help. This all reinforced the idea that he needed 15 hours of individual assistance, particularly in classes with 15-17 students.

Following two appeals to the council, the ECHP was approved. By this time in 2020, after being advised by many that securing funding can be a lengthy process, we opted to personally cover the costs of enrolling him in a mainstream private school, which offered 15 hours of individual support with class sizes ranging from 10 to 15 students.

Although his EHCP clearly outlined his requirements, the council still refused to provide financial assistance for his education. We felt we had no other option. Upon arriving at his new school, he took a test and scored significantly below average for his age group (two years behind in nursery level). This confirmed just how far behind he was—and how ineffective his previous environment had been for him.

We spent approximately £6,000 each term for his enrollment at an independent school that claimed they could offer all the necessary support, including a recommendation from an educational psychologist for 15 hours of individual assistance per week to help him keep up with the curriculum, which we had to pay an additional £6,000 for each term.

At the beginning, he faced significant challenges, leading the school to set up a tent in the corner of the classroom so he could retreat and calm himself when feeling overwhelmed. However, by the end of the first term, he started to flourish.

Because of the costs we faced and the financial pressure it was causing in our lives, in 2023, we went to theSENDa tribunal to present his case, as advised by his school and a legal professional. The county council did not attend the mediation and did not respond to our inquiries until the night before the hearing. Initially, we were willing to cover the school fees if the council covered the one-to-one sessions. They remained unresponsive. This situation resulted in a significant financial burden – £20,000 in legal expenses – and after considering these costs, we could no longer afford to make that offer during the tribunal.

The judge ultimately decided in our favor, stating that Seb requires 15 hours of support each week and the local authority is responsible for covering the cost. However, this did not happen. Even after the decision, the local authority failed to pay for the one-on-one assistance, and the school has since sent us a £27,000 invoice for the support provided. So far, the local authority has not given any explanation for not fulfilling their obligation.

At the same time, we have gone through another procedure for ECHP as he transitions from primary to secondary school. We listed four options, one of which was a local school for children with dyslexia that also supports autistic children with ADHD. We did not receive any communication from the local authority for six months. Then, unexpectedly, they contacted us in February 2025 and informed us that they were sending him to a school we had never heard of, more than an hour away.

It is a special school For children with moderate to severe autism, classes had a maximum of 10 students, but it wasn't the right setting for him considering his overall requirements – not to mention the stress from a two-hour round-trip commute. We challenged this decision, and it turned out that the school we had requested had initially offered him a spot but withdrew it once they learned the council intended to send Seb to a specialized school. This meant that even after appealing, we couldn't get him into the school in time for September, or anywhere else, since spots were limited.

Seb is caught between regular schools and specialized institutions — there are numerous kids in similar situations, and I believe they are being let down by the system. With rising legal costs becoming more expensive than the school placement itself and the pressure it has put on our personal finances, my wife and I questioned why we were enduring the stress and came to the realization that we had no other option but to search beyond our current options.

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My wife is from Spain, so we considered their educational options. We discovered an excellent international school offering 15 hours of individual support, and at £21,000 annually, it's much more affordable than sending him to his previous school (as well as avoiding the inevitable cost of going to tribunal again). I work remotely for a technology company, and my wife has just completed her contract, making it logical to take this chance.

Seb, who is 11 years old, and our daughter, aged 13 and without any special educational requirements, are very enthusiastic. They will attend the same school once more, and besides saving money, living outside the UK, which I believe contributes to stress related to exams and performance, we anticipate it will offer a more balanced atmosphere for both of them. Our daughter often feels a tightness in her stomach due to school causing her to constantly worry about whether she's performing adequately, even though she is achieving good marks. Both of them enjoyed their trial day at the new school – it had a more laid-back and encouraging setting.

An additional benefit of relocating overseas is the improved climate, unprocessed cuisine, and lower overall living expenses. It remains a significant risk for us, but he has no other choices in the UK aside from homeschooling.

When I consider the administrationbringing up the concept of eliminating EHCPs, I'm not entirely clear on what the plan entails. In some respects, we were fortunate and had the means to support him, although it did create financial pressure on us. Many others can't afford to take this path – what will become of those children? Who will advocate for them?

Unless this is meant to examine the entire system, label it as flawed, and rebuild it, what will they substitute the existing system with? My concern is that this will merely be a cost-reduction initiative instead of beginning with a clear set of values—resulting in more children being worse off, leading to higher expenses for the state over time.